Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Government Issues Plea to Common Public: Donate Onions on Dhanteras and Support Economy!

Are you a victim of deteriorating economy? Are you the one doomed by devastating rupee? No need to panic now! Yes, hours of peril are over as our dear government came up with a solution: Donate onions on this Dhanteras and support Indian Economy!
All the highly educated yet languorously situated ministers discussed in a meeting on how to cope with the deteriorating economy and came up with the only solution: Onion!
We conducted an interview with one of the official regarding the same issue. When asked about how such a move will be helpful in view of the Indian economy, he replied, “Ab is desh ko bhagwaan nahi, sirf pyaaj hi bacha sakti hai! Kyunki jiska koi nahi hota, uski pyaaj hoti hai!” Baffled by the reply our journalist asked for the elaboration, he explained, “Look onion is secular by nature! So, no matter to which religion you belong, you will buy it. Now let me explain to you how donating onions on this Dhanteras will strengthen our economy. Consider the following points:-
1.) As I said, onion is secular by nature; people from every religion are buying it. Keeping in view the hiked price of onion, it has become impossible for many to include onion in their list of weekly expenses. So, at this point, if one donates onions to the other then what he actually doing is befriending the other person! He will become fan of this person and in return what he will offer is, give you free rides to places and that too frequently!. So, what we have got?! The concept of carpooling dude!! We have saved a lot of petrol!! Result: Economy is being helped!
2.) As the price of onion is at its peak, while you are buying onions to donate them you are actually donating about 80% of it for the pappu’s tummy!....... Ohhh! Sorry, I mean to say for the betterment of the Indian economy. Now you may ask how? See, tax is what our whole economy is depended upon! Be it income tax, V.A.T. tax or our ‘Manmaana’ tax these all are the constituents of our healthy economy. So, you are actually helping a cause by buying onions for donating them! Result: Economy is being helped!
3.) You people spread uproar about black money issue. Hurray! We have got a remedy now! Hiked prices of onion can help in spying on people who have illegal income and property. As off course common man will not be able to buy it. Only the ones with illegal income will do. By this we can grab them red handed :D All the onion buyers will be prosecuted! In this way, black money will return to India. Result: Economy is being helped!
4.) The best shot that we have got on this strategic move is that we will be able to trap the politicians from other parties as they are the ones with illegal property who will be able to buy onions to donate! And you know what?! We just trapped one, the one who made the statement about gifting of the onions to his sisters on this Rakhi! If you know what I mean ;) Result: Economy is being helped!

5.) Elections aa rahe hain bhaiya paisa kahan se aaega?! It is need of the hour! Now you may ask the relevance of this point with the strengthening of our economy! Look, this is very practical one. If we will have funds then we will be able to grab the seat for the straight third time and just for the record we have Cambridge and Harvard pass outs among us! So, an educated man will do what?! Of course, he will strengthen India in all respect and all aspects include economy! Result: Economy is being helped!

So, you just need to buy onions and donate them to others on this Dhanteras and leave the rest on us :D”.
When the interviewer asked that directly or indirectly it will be a common man, who will be penalised. If he buys onion then he is the one with illegal income as per government and if he doesn’t, then he will not be the one supporting economy again as per government. Either way, common man will suffer. Why? Why should he?! In reply the government official said, “Behes baazi nahi, do as you are told to do! WE WILL SUCK YOUR BLOOD AND SO THE ONLY OPTION YOU ARE LEFT WITH IS, DONATE ONIONS!”
Thanks for reading :)